Contemplation

As I drove home from school today, I was struck with a sudden realization. A casual stranger who would happen to venture into the chance of finding my favorite songs would think me an unstable man.

As I drove, I listened intently to Mozart’s powerful Concerto for Piano and Orchestra No. 23 K488 in A minor. The composition’s minor tonality was dim at first, but slowly it built. The strings tempted the song to burst open its reservoir of rage as they ever so hesitantly elevated their volume, becoming more pronounced and impatient with each stroke of the bow. Finally, as their efforts seem in vain, there explodes the rage that has collected within the composition’s soul for so long. However, as soon as it had emerged it withdrew its contemptuous rage, only to find its use later in the movement.

The fury and discontent that arose within me with each wave of powerful intensity confirmed my suspicions. Only the extremes of music can satisfy me.

This can be easily seen when my favorite songs are listened by anyone. My favorite compositions are almost all depressing [or at least I decipher them to be]. These include Many of Mozart’s requiems: Lacrimosa, Dies Irae, Rex Tremendae, and Kyrie. Also in my arsenal are Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata and Eroica Mv. 3. Purcell’s Dido’s Lament and Funeral of Queen Mary’s  stir my emotions as well. The oft exuberant and frilly Chopin even managed to make a composition sad enough to move me: THE Funeral March. You know, the one you always here when they pass you off to the ground!

From one end of the spectrum to the other, songs that evoke the pentacle of man’s ecstatic joy bring me great pleasure. From this area comes my favorite song of all time: Richard Wagner’s Siegried’s Funeral March. Though it may be a song of death, the emotions that surface are anything but depressing. If anything, they are redeeming! As the compositions strong tides rise and fall, I can imagine the souls of men rising above all that stands in the way.

However, there are others that arouse within me the soul that so longs to understand. Such songs are those that depict the image of struggle in my mind. As I listen to them my fists clench, and as the crescendo rings clear my arm violently pummels the air. Richard Wagner is, by far, the master of such an effect in my mind. One cannot help but imagine the wing’ed Valkyries as they descend upon the raging battlefield, selecting those few who were brave enough to die in battle and may do so again for Odin, when they hear The Ride of the Valkyries.

But, in the end, what does this say about me? I think myself to be a well regulated individual. I do not boil over in irate spouts of madness. Nor do I fall deep into the dark abyss of depression. The joy I feel is most always securely contained. I revel in the world of moderation. I am content but not euphoric. I am disappointed but not miserable. I am angry but not infuriated. So then, why would I listen to such music that provokes these emotions to emerge?

The answer is that music can express what I feel I should not or cannot. I shall not confront someone in a rage of passion, nor indulge my most base of desires. Yet, I can feel and do this all when I listen to the simple vibrations of air particles throughout the air.